Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
I’m skipping Day 6- 30 facts. I can’t think of them, nor do I care, nor do you I assume. And if you know me I’m sure you can come up with something on your own……
I’m the Libra. We want balance & harmony. This is me 100%
Monday night my sensei lead us in a meditation. He had us envision that we were walking and with each step we took a path was created until you saw a tree in the distance & you approached it to find the imprint of two hand prints on the tree.
In my vision I saw myself walking a yellow brick road (yes, in honor of oz) then skipping a long the path of flowers to approach a gorgeous willow tree (because they are my favorite) and there’s a swing for me to sit on and the cheshire cat is sitting high up in the tree grinning down while squirrels and cute little animals prance around me including my boyfriends cat who would normally attack all other furry friends, but in this vision he’s sociable. underneath my arm is a bunny i hold like a doll and we play and swing while i wait for my sensei to lead everyone else down their path & finally get to the point of it all.
We eventually do & I learn that the point is to put your hands where the hand prints are in the tree to realize that the hand prints are your own. You have been there before. This is where he asks us to make the commitment to ourselves and to our training. to work hard and do the best we can.
This is where my world gets shaken up. because training is my life it is something i take very seriously. to me when i train it’s to see myself becoming powerful, confident, strong…basically its the best version of myself. but these feel like conflicting emotions to the ones i was just experiencing when i was frolicking around with little forest animals and feeling like alice in wonderland. i even pictured the cute dress & a bow in my hair. one is childish the other serious.one is playful the other disciplined. one happy the other…..?
when i was in high school my friends & i would discuss how when we were younger we’d look at our older siblings in school and think i want to be like that, they seem so old, so mature, they look & act like adults. then you get to high school and feel nothing like that. you still feel small, childish, and worst of all still waiting for life to begin.
i still feel like this sometimes. my birthday was yesterday. i turned 21. at what point in time does a person become an adult? i was told that i became a woman when i got my period. then i waited till high school to feel like my older brothers & their friends looked, but never did. losing my virginity sure as hell should have felt like a turning point. 18 is when one is declared legal isn’t it? 21 I can officially do anything with in the law. but still i feel small. will i feel grown up when i graduate college. do i have to join the “real world” wherever that place is? will it be when i’m married and paying a mortgage and having a job or raising kids or will i carry out all those tasks and still say to myself, do i really look like i’m at the oppropriate age to do this? am i at the right age? am i smart enough, mature enough, happy enough? will i forever be trying to combine childish pleasure (like getting my princess peach tattoo cause she’s the cutest thing in the world & makes me reminisce playing mario kart 64 with my brothers) while at the same time trying to feel and look dignified?
this is the struggle of the libra. where is the balance? i don’t know if other people think about these things as i do, if they have these multiple personalities and are smart enough to keep them separate or struggle constantly like me to become this unified whole person who feels completely satisfied in all aspects of themselves and their life.
